As soon as it appeared certain that Qaddafi was over, and the Libyan “thing” earned the title “Revolution” from world media, I couldn’t help but get amused by the headlines that immediately followed about reactions of the so-called international community, mainly because of how I heard them, somewhat more vividly, after being deciphered naked by my mind. Here are some:
World leaders call for release of Libyan assets frozen abroad
I HEARD: A sudden frenzy among NATO member states, primarily France, the UK, and Turkey, to unfreeze Libyan money in their possession in order to keep most of it: “We need to send some urgent invoices that need to be paid up ASAP. We’re really in a tight spot here, financially, you know. Appreciate your understanding, fellow free people [smirks and winks.]“
I THOUGHT: “Settle down, Busters. Libya is not an unforeseen windfall that you happened to find, out of nowhere, at your doorsteps to get you through your hard times. Libya is a 42-year old tragedy that just got its break; and for your sakes at least, the priority now is for Libya, not you, to stand on her feet and achieve stability. So be strategic in seeking your interests, for a change. And hey, Davutoğlu, why do I get the funny vibe that you’re the foreign minister of the Arab Revolution?”
Sarkozy maintains France has no special forces in Libya
I HEARD: “I never said anything about our NATO colleagues, such as les Anglais, who may have arrived [smirk] and who are probably better at such tactical stuff than we are. And, for the record, I am NOT a cross between a Hungarian Napoleon and a Jewish Le Pen!”
I THOUGHT: “Hands off, all of you. There’s a million reasons to be suspicious of your involvement in Libya, I’m sure you understand. Your help in deposing that creature is valued indeed, and is ultimately in your interest, and you shall be rewarded accordingly in due course. Now don’t ruin it. Move a long now. Ta ta.”
Berlusconi meets top official of Libyan Transitional National Council
I HEARD: Italy cries foul to fellow NATO states France and the UK “HEY! We are the old masters. And we’re in deeper shit than yours, come on!” Berlusconi to Jibril: “I’ll kiss your hand, new best amico.”
I THOUGHT: “Berلصconi, yes you with the nice hair there, especially you, STAY OUT OF IT. Libya has had enough of slime!”
Russia and China call for the rebuilding of Libya to be handled by the UN, not semi-international groups
I HEARD: “Okay so we’ve made a wrong bet. You can’t just shut us out! We’re big! We want our vetoes back.”
I THOUGHT: “Thank you for your interest. We’ll contact you if something comes up that suits your profile.”
Arab League recognizes Libyan TNC
I HEARD: “Alright, anyone else out there who has NOT recognized the TNC? Hello? No-one? Alright then, I hereby recognize the TNC as the legitimate government of Libya. Now be good to one another, guys. Wake me up if there’s an emergency or something.”
I THOUGHT: “I guess you just had to have the last word, didn’t you, Arab Leech? You’ve never been anything but an impediment to progress and an embodiment of Arab emasculation. You are intolerably pre-revolution. Disband and get a life.”
I HEARD: A sudden frenzy among NATO member states, primarily France, the UK, and Turkey, to unfreeze Libyan money in their possession in order to keep most of it: “We need to send some urgent invoices that need to be paid up ASAP. We’re really in a tight spot here, financially, you know. Appreciate your understanding, fellow free people [smirks and winks.]“
I THOUGHT: “Settle down, Busters. Libya is not an unforeseen windfall that you happened to find, out of nowhere, at your doorsteps to get you through your hard times. Libya is a 42-year old tragedy that just got its break; and for your sakes at least, the priority now is for Libya, not you, to stand on her feet and achieve stability. So be strategic in seeking your interests, for a change. And hey, Davutoğlu, why do I get the funny vibe that you’re the foreign minister of the Arab Revolution?”
Sarkozy maintains France has no special forces in Libya
I HEARD: “I never said anything about our NATO colleagues, such as les Anglais, who may have arrived [smirk] and who are probably better at such tactical stuff than we are. And, for the record, I am NOT a cross between a Hungarian Napoleon and a Jewish Le Pen!”
I THOUGHT: “Hands off, all of you. There’s a million reasons to be suspicious of your involvement in Libya, I’m sure you understand. Your help in deposing that creature is valued indeed, and is ultimately in your interest, and you shall be rewarded accordingly in due course. Now don’t ruin it. Move a long now. Ta ta.”
Berlusconi meets top official of Libyan Transitional National Council
I HEARD: Italy cries foul to fellow NATO states France and the UK “HEY! We are the old masters. And we’re in deeper shit than yours, come on!” Berlusconi to Jibril: “I’ll kiss your hand, new best amico.”
I THOUGHT: “Berلصconi, yes you with the nice hair there, especially you, STAY OUT OF IT. Libya has had enough of slime!”
Russia and China call for the rebuilding of Libya to be handled by the UN, not semi-international groups
I HEARD: “Okay so we’ve made a wrong bet. You can’t just shut us out! We’re big! We want our vetoes back.”
I THOUGHT: “Thank you for your interest. We’ll contact you if something comes up that suits your profile.”
Arab League recognizes Libyan TNC
I HEARD: “Alright, anyone else out there who has NOT recognized the TNC? Hello? No-one? Alright then, I hereby recognize the TNC as the legitimate government of Libya. Now be good to one another, guys. Wake me up if there’s an emergency or something.”
I THOUGHT: “I guess you just had to have the last word, didn’t you, Arab Leech? You’ve never been anything but an impediment to progress and an embodiment of Arab emasculation. You are intolerably pre-revolution. Disband and get a life.”
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